I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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