i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
