I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How's work?
Spinning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
