What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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