wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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