so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
