Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
