you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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