I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Will you blow on my dice?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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