Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
