can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
