i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
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For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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