That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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