Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Floor bacon is actually really good
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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