if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
