Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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