swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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