And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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