i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
