I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
