I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
