I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
