Sry I called you an 8
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
