it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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