I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
