Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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