do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
