I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
