Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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