Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
