Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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