Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
