tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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