I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
