remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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