I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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