Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
