I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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