The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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