Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
