Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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