dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
