Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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