If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
