I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize