I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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