I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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