I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
two words: eviction party
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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