Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
