the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dick very happy bro
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
