Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
