Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want nice things and good sex
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
