Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
