we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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