Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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