btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
