i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
