Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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