I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Panties = found
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
