Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
