i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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